Monday, January 31, 2005

Shame On You Massachusetts

Shame on you Massachusetts. First, you go and pick a name for your state that's really cumbersome to pronouce. Why not something simple like, well, just plain Mass. Why add the chusetts onto the end?

Then you elected a dinosaur like Teddy ("The Swimmer") Kennedy. After he got into Harvard law solely because of who he was related to rather than what he'd done, you thought he was an OK guy anyway. Then, even though he was subject to an honor code that frobade cheating in law school he did it anyway and got caught. Still, you trusted him enough to send him to Congress.

Then, in a drunken stupor and while apparently attempting to engage in the family past-time of adultery, he left a young woman to die while he swam away to save his own life and his political career. He succeeded in doing both when you sent him back to the U.S. Senate. You ignored his crime and the cover-up. You re-elected him time after time and that's allowed him to remain in the Senate long enough to be an impediment to freedom in Iraq and around the world. Shame on you.

True, every state has sent some real losers to Washington. Messing up once in awhile is understandable, but when dealing with the U.S. Senate, you only get two chances. So, Mass, what did you do? You elected John Kerry! A flip-flopping, skirt chasing, peace activist masquerading as a war hero! This, after running the unfortunate Michael Dukakis out in his snoopy helmet as the Democrat's presidential nominee in 1988. And, of course, there's Barney Frank who has a twinkle in his eye for every male page under 19 years old.

As if your political sins weren't enough, your Red Sox won the World Series and broke one of the longest running curses ever cast on a professional sports team. Your Patriots have won two Super Bowls and now they're back, looking for another one. You sent us Kennedy, Kerry, Dukakis, et al. You won the World Series. You don't deserve anything else.

So, Mass, I'm putting you on notice. For all your transgressions I'm putting a football curse on you like the one you got after the Red Sox traded Babe Ruth to the Yankees. You don't deserve another Super Bowl win and you won't get one for at least 25 years. I'm giving you a break - I could have made it 50 so quit whining.

The Eagles will win Sunday and you'll have only 24 more lean years to deal with. Unless you send Teddy back to Wahsington, then I'm giving you the 50.

You've been warned.


Happy Valentines Day Osama

My nephew Dan passed along a heart-warming story that I have to share with as many people as possible. It illustrates once again that if we would only listen to children, many of the world's problems would be solved or just cease to exist.

The story involves Melissa, a 6 year old first grader. She came home from school recently and announced to her mother that she intended to send a Valentines's day card to Osama Bin Laden and hoped God would not be mad at her if she did.

She said, "I'm Jewish and an American and he's a Muslim who's killed lots of people and says he hates us. Do you think it would be alright Mom?"

Her mother's heart filled with pride as she listened to her little girl describe what she intended to do. Melissa said, "Other children will hear what I've done and send Valentine's to him too and then he'll decide that since we all love him that he'll love us too."

"He'll come out from where he's been hiding and travel around the world making new friends. Then, when we get him out in the open our Marines will blow the shit out of him."

Kinda warms the heart doesn't it?



YAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!

“I hate the republicans and everything they stand for” Howard Dean

Please please pretty please put him in charge of the DNC!!!!!!!!!

*evil Republican laugh*

Then again, it would kind of take the "sport" out of the thing....

Mayor of Baghdad thanks President Bush

story from NY post

BAGHDAD — The man replacing the mayor of Baghdad — who was assassinated for his pro-American loyalties — says he is not worried about his ties to Washington. In fact, he'd like to erect a monument to honor President Bush in the middle of the city.

"We will build a statue for Bush," said Ali Fadel, the former provincial council chairman. "He is the symbol of freedom."

Fadel's predecessor, Ali al-Haidari, was gunned down Jan. 4 when militants opened fire on his armor-covered BMW as it traveled with a three-car convoy.

Fadel said he received numerous threats on his life as the council chairman, and expects to get many more in his new post.

"My life is cheap," Fadel said. "Everything is cheap for my country."

As Iraq prepared for a volatile election that is being watched across the world, Fadel heaped praise on the United States.

Fadel acknowledged that many in his country appear ungrateful for America's foreign assistance. He said most Iraqis are still in "shock" over the changes, and need time to adjust.

Any public monument to Bush is likely to further incense terrorist forces, who have attacked American troops and their supporters for months.

Fadel said he is undaunted.

"We have a lot of work and we are especially grateful to the soldiers of the U.S.A. for freeing our country of tyranny," Fadel said.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Must reads on the Iraqi election

I'm heading out to celebrate the incredible victory of the Iraqi people. What a great day!!!!

Please go visit Ryan's blog. He is a military blogger in Iraq, who has given a first hand account. There's terrific pictures -- scroll down (he has quite a few entries) to the picture of an old man being "rolled" to the polls to vote in a baby carriage!!

Mark Styen has a terrific summary: Iraq is going to be just fine.

Now, who are the real dummies? Bush and his government or these "people"?

To really get a sense of what today was like, please read Mohammed and Omar's account of voting in Iraq. Here's a snippet --

"We had all kinds of feelings in our minds while we were on our way to the ballot box except one feeling that never came to us, that was fear. We could smell pride in the atmosphere this morning; everyone we saw was holding up his blue tipped finger with broad smiles on the faces while walking out of the center. I couldn't think of a scene more beautiful than that."
If you read Iraq the Model and don't get a lump in your throat (or tears in your eyes) you must have no heart or are a terrorist.........

Ala71 ended her post on the Iraqi election with one of my alltime favorite movie quotes from "Saving Private Ryan" -- "Earn this. EARN this."

I couldn't have summed it up better.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Billboard Blitz to Blast Hollywood

Can't stop giggling about this.....~Jen~

From Human events on line

HUMAN EVENTS has learned that a billboard blitz "thanking" Hollywood for the reelection of President Bush will be unveiled early next week.

The advertisements feature the faces of liberal Hollywood icons Michael Moore, Whoopi Goldberg, Ben Affleck, Martin Sheen, Chevy Chase, Barbara Streisand, and Sean Penn, and offer thanks to Hollywood their help getting President Bush reelected.

Two versions of the billboard were created, both "thanking" Hollywood -- the first for "4 more years" and the second for "W. Still President."

Billboard creator Citizens United, a group that advocates a return to traditional American values, has purchased the use of three billboards near the Kodak Theatre (home of the Academy Awards) for the month of February, which includes Oscar Night, Sunday, February 27.

Asked about the campaign, Citizens United President David Bossie said, "We're taking on Hollywood. We've done it in the past." Of the organization's many actions, one of its most famous challenges to Hollywood was Celsius 41.11, a documentary exposing "the truth behind the lies of Fahrenheit 9/11," the Michael Moore anti-Bush mock-umentary.


Friday, January 28, 2005

ADOPT A HUMVEE, HELP SAVE LIVES!

There's a terrific local talk show host at 700 KSEV named Edd Hendee. Four months ago one of his neighbors, whom Edd had coached on sports teams as a child, was seriously injured in Iraq. Cpl Casey Owens was traveling in a humvee when it hit a land mine. Cpl Owens lost both of his legs, and nearly lost his life.

Edd has been following Cpl Owens' recovery on his show. He periodically has Owens' mother and sister on his show to talk about what he has gone through. You can read about Owens' recovery at http://www3.caringbridge.org/tx/caseyowens/ . Last week the Owens family was able to go to the inauguration. The first hand account of that day from Owens' sister will bring tears to your eyes. There's a link to photos that you must see as well, including several with the President and Mrs. Bush.

There is a now famous photo taken of Owens saluting the president, with his mother crying behind him, that made national news. You can see it by clicking here .
Here's a link to a Houston Chronicle story on Cpl Owens - http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/nation/3002296

There is another website you can see a pic of Cpl Owens on - http://www.lonestartimes.com/index.php?id=49,1584,0,0,1,0
When you click on this link, you will also see some of Edd Hendee's journal entries. Edd is currently in Iraq! He was so inspired by Casey that he went over as a "radio journalist embed". Every day, he calls in to the local radio station, and writes an extraordinary journal entry (he's a terrific writer). Each day, he uses his satellite phone and will interview our soldiers live. Each time, they try to connect the soldier with a family member via the sat phone. I haven't worn mascara in two weeks because I kept crying it off. It's been the most amazing radio I have ever heard.

On January 22nd, Edd wrote about finding a Gunnery Sgt. who had come up with a way to armor humvees in a way that would save soldiers lives. Here is a snippet from Edd's journal entry that explains:




Yesterday the 507th Medical Air Evac Company had told me the day before that there were supply issues that were holding up the armoring of the humvees. This morning we met with Gunnery Sgt. Dale Haukeli of the 1/7 Marines Motor Transport.

The problem is the humvees that have been issued to the 1/7 are standard units for the most part. Some have armored doors and sides, but only 1 or 2 have the undercarriage armor. When the humvee runs over the mine the explosion penetrates the engine compartment and through the firewall to severely injure the driver or passenger. Land mines are the weapon of choice of the insurgents and the biggest threat facing these Marines. A re-designed and completely factory armored Humvee that can withstand a land mine strike could be years away from reaching this area. So Gunny Haukeli designed a system of 7 armored plates that are bolted under the wheel well and floor boards of the humvee. This system is simple, easy to manufacture and fit to the vehicle in the field. There were 2 land mine strikes in the last few months, one humvee had this armor kit installed and the other did not. The unarmored vehicle driver lost both legs and an eye. The armored vehicle was destroyed but the driver only suffered a broken leg.

Two mines, two humvess, and two very different outcomes. Additionally the armored humvee was destroyed but the plates were unbolted from the wreckage and re-installed on another humvee. Simple designs can work wonders.

Now for the frustrating part, Gunny Haukeli is having a very hard time getting the parts and equipment to armor these humvees. He put together a priority 1 parts and equipment list and today we began putting this into action. My wife worked out the details of shipping these parts air freight while my friend Danny Lee procured the supplies. They will have the required material on site within a week after waiting for these parts for months through regular channels.

The problem? It's not a standard approved system because the enemy didn't get prior Pentagon permission for this tactic. The solution for an evolving tactic in this war is to empower the troops in the field to apply solutions. Sometimes that doesn't fit in the standardized supply chain procedures of the military.
Gunny Haukeli has also put together a power point presentation with all equipment and installation procedures. That will be delivered to DC, to Congressional contacts and to the Pentagon as soon as I get home. According to the men in the field this program will save lives. I can't think of anything I could have done more important today. God had worked out this program and these contacts long before I showed up in Iraq. Now we just have to get it done.

This afternoon I got to brief Cpl. Casey Owens squad on his progress. His guys were relieved to hear of his recovery and courage. After showing them the photos of Casey in Washington DC we called Casey on the Satellite Phone and let them just talk as friends again for 30 minutes or so. The smile on the Marines faces was great to see and Casey was glad to hear from his guys. They'll have a very special reunion when the 1/7 comes home. The Marines and their families are all counting the days.

Edd realized that this armor may have saved Casy's legs, and could save many lives. He is now on a mission to independently fund the Gunnery Sgt's armor design on all of our soldiers' humvees. Edd's radio station is promoting the fundraiser. Every penny, 100%, goes toward potentially saving a life. You can donate via paypal at http://lonestartimes.com/index.php?id=0,1584,0,0,1,0. There is a paypal button on the right side.
You can read Edd's extraordinary journal there for past entries, and http://www.lonestartimes.com/ for the latest.

Edd was featured yesterday on http://littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog/ , he'll be on Laura Ingraham's show today, and after he returns from Iraq he'll be on Fox and Friends sometime next week.
Whether you donate or not, go read Edd's journal and Casey Owens' sister's journal.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

W Orders Breakfast

George W is a true Texan in every sense of the word. Sophistication and pretentiousness are not part of his overall persona. And like all Texans and many Americans, he tries to avoid anything French including the use of the french language because they are back stabbing wusses. If he has to use the language he mispronounces most of the words on purpose.

He scheduled a meeting and working breakfast with VP Cheney and some staff early in the morning on his first day in office. They were greeted by an attractive young woman who handed out impressive looking menus that included the presidential seal at the top.

The President insisted that everyone in the room order before he did. They mostly ordered health conscious foods like fruit and oatmeal, even VP Cheney. When W's turn to order came, he looked at the young woman and said "I think I'll just have a quickie."

The whole room fell silent, then the young woman stormed out of the room in a huff. Condoleeza Rice was the first one to speak up. She said "Mr. President, you're acting just like Bill Clinton. I'm surprised at you." Cheney leaped to the President's defense and managed to explain W's uncharacteristic faux pas (or fox pass). He said, "folks, remember W is a Texan. He was just trying to order quiche."

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Oscars....I love the Oscars.....

I think it is absolutely hysterical that Michael Moore's campaign for a "Best Picture" Oscar nomination fell flat. No best doc nom, no best pic nom, no nothin'. HA!!!!

I love the Oscars. Love the outfits, love trying to guess the winners, love the thank you speeches... If you are in to movies, check out my friend Gene's website -- http://www.oscarwhore.com/ He's hilarious. He even has MERCH!!!!!! heheheheheheee

On a more somber note, this is my first oscar nom day without my beloved friend Patrick. For the past 13 years, he has called me at the crack of dawn to make sure I was awake for the oscar nomination announcements. Today was my first one without the phone call. My Patrick died last April of cancer, after battling it off and on since 1985. The awards night parties he threw were legendary. Sometimes he made us dress up as movie characters. Sometimes we would have to draw a name out of a bowl and pretend to be that character all night (I had to be Bettie Davis from "Rosemary's Baby" once - EEEK!!!). We would have a contest to see who could pick the most winners. The person who won gained custody of the "Golden Gravy Boat of Antiok" until the next year. I am proud to say that the gravy boat is currently housed in my china cabinet from his last party.

I met Patrick after he retired early due to health reasons. It would take me all day to list his accomplishments, but here's a cliffs notes version. Patrick worked for ABC radio and television in New York, Hong Kong, and Rome and CNN in Atlanta, New York, and Washington DC. He produced a documentary film in the 80's that won an oscar. He actually got to VOTE on the Oscars for best documentary long and short, and best picture. After he retired, he would periodically take a production job on a film and go off for a couple months. He was on the set of "The Crow" when Brandon Lee was killed. He led the most extraordinary life.

My friend Patrick was full of life, full of stories, occasionally full of shit, and I couldn't have loved him more. I am really missing him today, but I can't help but smile. I can soooo picture him in heaven, finally out of pain, sitting on a fluffy cloud, wearing a silk kimono, with lots of fabulous people running ragged and doing his bidding, making preparations for his first annual oscar party in the sky.

Monday, January 24, 2005

The Eagles Have Landed

Congratulations to the Eagles and to my buddies in Philly who are big Eagles fans including Riceburner, 92Alpha, Justice, Mason and Lefty. I assume Justice has given up on the Redskins and has jumped on the bandwagon with the rest of us.

Their defensive game plan against the Falcons was one of the best I've ever seen. What a job they did on Michael Vick. This is not a "bend but don't break" defense. This is smash mouth football at it's finest.

The Pats are a 6 point favorite in the Super Bowl right now and they deserve to be. They've won 31 of their last 33 games, are the defending champs and are playing the best they've played all year. I've been passing little tidbits of information and advice to the Eagles during the playoffs, such as advising McNabb to run a little more to open up the defense. I've taken them about as far as I can. Eagles, from here on out you're on your own.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Barbara Boxer is a Stinker Butt

When my angelic niece, Chelsea was 4 or 5 years old, she uttered something that was completely uncharacteristic. She said that "Cliffy", in her pre-school class was no longer her friend because he was a "stinker butt". Why Cliffy became persona non grata and morphed into a stinker butt we'll never know, but I thought of him when I watched Barbara Boxer's performance in her "questioning" of Condi Rice.

It was more like a lecture that lasted 10 minutes. It was insulting, condescending and inflammatory. She was totally out of control and rather than conversation, what she did amounted to malversation.

She voted last week not to certify the presidential election results and made a spectacle of herself by physically crying about it on national television. The last time I saw a woman make such a fool of herself on national TV it involved a wardrobe malfunction and Justin Timberlake.

Whatever Cliffy did I'm sure he earned it. So did Barbara Boxer. Yep, she's a stinker butt alright.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Eagles Win! Eagles Win! Pats do too

EAGLES BEAT FALCONS - At long last the Philidelphia Eagles are going to the Super Bowl. All they have to do to get to the big one is beat the Falcons, at home no less. With Michael Vick at quarterback, the Falcons are dangerous. This guy can flat out play. If Vick isn't playing, the Falcons are not even a .500 team. With him, they have the potential to beat anybody. The Eagles better assign somebody to shadow Vick all over the field. They don't necessarily have to tackle him, just contain him so he can't scamble and break down the Eagles defense. Also, try to break his legs if they can and get him the hell out of the game. That would help.

Final Score: EAGLES 31, FALCONS 17


PATS AVENGE EARLY LOSS TO STEELERS - Yes, the Steelers beat the daylights out of the Pats earlier this year. It won't happen again. The Pats learned a lot from that game and are much better this time around. The Steelers should have gone out versus the Jets last week. But for the choke job (twice) by Brien, the Jets kicker, the Steelers would be sitting this one out. In a defensive battle the Pats clean Big Ben's clock.

Final Score: Pats 17, Steelers 10

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Nice and Fat

Men's Fitness Magazine recently published its' list of fattest cities in America and Houston, the city closest to the suburb to which I escaped with my family, was listed as number one. The magazine claims that we are fatter than New York, Philadelphia or Los Angeles or any place else. We're number one! Woof, Woof, Woof!

They base their designation partly on the large number of pizza restaurants and do-nut shops in the area and the scarcity of parks and public lands. We do seem to have a lot of do-nut and pastry shops so they may be right to some extent but if we are that fat there may be other reasons for it.

We drive everywhere we go. We do very little menial labor like yard work or house cleaning as most of us have our own personal illegal alien to do the physical things around the house for us. We don't sweat much because everything's air conditioned, even our baseball and football stadiums. We like to cook and we eat what we cook - all of it. We don't want any of that talk about starving Chinese and how much they would appreciate our leftovers. If friends or family show up, the first thing we ask is "you eat yet?" If they haven't eaten lately, we feed them, whether they're hungry or not.

On another note, an etiquette expert recently named Houston one of the nation's most polite cities. Yes, we're nice and fat. I've visited many other parts of the country and have had to quash the habit of saying hello to total strangers as I waddle towards the buffet line. I've actually heard people say "can I have the rest of that pecan pie if you're not going to eat it? Please?"

But things could be worse. We could be fat and impolite. You wouldn't like to hear someone say "don't even think about touching my creme-filled bon bon or I'll blow your frikkin head off", would you?

So, put some extra gravy on mine would you please? Thank you very much.

That's the way I see it.


Friday, January 14, 2005

And The Winners Are.....

Vikings vs. EAGELS
I went against one of my cardinal rules last week and picked a team to win which had a defensive back with shoulder-length dread locks. Those teams never win post season games. The Vikes won and messed up my other-wise perfect week of pronostications. How did the Vikes beat Favre and the Packers in Green Bay? Are the Eagles ready? The answers are: don't know and yes, they're ready. However the Vikes managed to pull it off, this ain't Green Bay Daunte, and that's a real defense you'll be dealing with. Besides, the Eagles appear to have the best coaching staff in the NFL and should be ready to throw some things at Culpepper he won't be ready for. McNabb will run more which will loosen up the Vikings secondary plus my friend Riceburner in Philly tells me that McNabb's healthy and ready to go.

EAGLES win in a romp.

Rams vs. FALCONS
Home crowd plus Mike Vick equals the end of the season for the Rams. If the Rams have a running game they might make it close.

FALCONS win and beat the spread after Rams put up a fight.

JETS vs. Steelers
Yes, I'm picking the JETS to beat Pittsburg, in Pittsburg and pull off a second consecutive upset on the road. Yes, I know that Pittsburg is a prohibitive favorite and nobody but me thinks the Jets have a chance. Rothelsberger is a rookie quarterback with 13 straight wins but Pennington is getting well and is one determined dude. Bill Cowher will implode when things don't go well for the Squealers, er, Steelers in the first half and the Jets will continue to play good defense, even with some injuries.

In my totally unbiased opinion, the JETS will get ahead early and hold off the stinkin' rotten Steelers and outsmart their manaical coach.

COLTS vs. Patriots
Am I nuts for picking the COLTS straight up? The Pats have owned the Colts, the Colts don't generally play well outdoors and the Pats have home field advantage. But the Colts have Manning and those three receivers and the Pats won't be allowed to bump, chuck and grab them like they did last year. This in Manning's year. Besides, Ty Law is out and he's their best defensive back.

COLTS in a squeeker.

That's how I see it.







Thursday, January 13, 2005

This is bad....

....but I am posting it anyway!!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The CITY OF DALLAS HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY
EXAM:

NAME_________________

GANG NAME________________________________

FATHER'S NAME (if known) ___________________________

1. Ramón has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramón attempt before he has to reload?

2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

3. Rufus pimps 3 hoes. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each hoe turn to support Rufus's $800 per day crack habit?

4. Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make a 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?

5. Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he have to steal to have $900?

6. Raul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

** Extra credit bonus: How much more time will he get for killing the ho that spent his money?

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?

8. Tyrone knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Tyrone knocked up?

9. Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a Boa Constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the Boa on one week's income?

10. Billy steals Joe's skateboard. As Billy skates away at 15 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked?


Monday, January 10, 2005

CBS Fesses Up - Sort Of

The long-awaited report on the investigation of 60 Minutes fabricated report regarding President Bush's National Guard service has been released by CBS.

The report is 242 pages long and concludes that the network made several errors in reporting the story. The bottom line: CBS wanted Kerry to win; to facillitate that desired outcome they lied; they got caught.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Super Bowl Predictions

Who's going to win it all this year? In deference to my friends in Philadelphia, especially my buddies Justice and Mason, here's hoping the Eagles can pull it off but it's not looking good for them. With the loss of Owens and a late season slump, they'll be lucky to win the NFC title, even with home field advantage.

My predictions for the wild card games this week-end:

St. Louis at Seattle - RAMS - The Rams are a 4 point underdog but are the better team. The Seahawk defense is vulnerable to the run which should set Bulger's passing game up. The Rams will overcome the Seahawks home field advantage and win easy.

N.Y. Jets at San Diego - JETS - San Diego is a 6 point favorite and has the home fielf advantage but the Jets defence has continued to improve. The Jets have gotten some injured players well and may be the surprise team of the play-offs.

Denver at Indianapolis - COLTS - No contest. Manning continues on a tear and makes Broncos look like girly-men.

Minnesota at Green Bay - PACKERS - Favre is at his best at home and in the play-offs. Vikings lose again, Daunte get culpeppered and Tice gets fired.

The real games start next week.


Thursday, January 06, 2005

2008

The 2008 presidential campaign has begun and is shaping up as just as interesting as Swift Vets vs. Hollywood, aka 2004.

The Democrats will get religion between now and 2008 and won't be caught without their bibles, even when dropping into the local Hooter's for a couple of cold ones and some buffalo wings. They'll bless everthing and everbody, except for maybe Jerry Falwell. Reverend Hilary Clinton will be "born again" and will announce that Jesus what's his name has been the single most important influence in her life. They'll hide Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Dennis Kucinich and Al Gore.

The left will again outraise the right in 527 money but not by the 5 to 1 margin they did in the last election cycle. They'll have to find another sugar daddy as George Soros may be about tapped out.

The Democrats will try to be perceived as centrists and will tone down their rhetoric on some of their traditional issues. Expect issues such as gay marriage, abortion, affirmative action and illegal immigration to be on the back burner and for the Demoncrats to discover national security and pretend to take it seriously. If they win, expect a few more aspirin factories to be blown up.

Paul McCartney is going to perform at this year's Super Bowl. Don't expect another nipplegate, but if there is, expect the Democrats to howl and protest about the indecency of it all. Teddy Kennedy will be a paragon of virtue as he lectures Larry King on the evils of gazing at a well turned ankle as he checks out Larry's wife's butt.

The Democrats will continue to stall and fillibuster Bush appointments. They'll fight, then give in on some of the minor appointments, hoping to build some political capital for the ones involving the Supreme Court. President Bush will appoint Antonin Scalia as Chief Justice when Rehnquist retires and a conservative minority, probably Hispanic, when there is another opening on the court.

Bush needs to get serious about over-spending, illegal immigration and getting Iran and Syria out of the terroist business. As soon as is politically feasable, he needs to make a trade deal with China and tie it in with getting the Chinese to side with us in getting nukes out of North Korea. He should work to expose the corruption of the U.N. in the Oil for Food Program, then shut it down.

Republicans should not get over-confident. It was a close election that could have gone the other way but for the votes of about 70,000 Ohioans. We should remember that Kerry was a weak candidate, that we were at war, and that the usual attempts of the main stream media to turn the election for the Democrats got slam dunked by Rather's clumsiness. We may not have any of that going for us next time.

Will the Democrats run Hilary? Maybe. She could deliver about 95% of the black vote, 70% of single females, 60% of union members, 90% of gays and 100% of the illegal alien and dead person vote. If we're lucky, she'll get the nomination and name some ambulance chaser with good hair and a southern drawl as her running mate. If the Democrats are smart, they'll nominate somebody like Evan Bayh of Indiana. Obama would be a formidable running mate but couldn't run with him because they're both from the mid-west.

Here's hoping there are no second term scandals such as unwarranted pardons for political patrons and that Bush stays on message.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Goodbye Miss Pearl

The first day on a new job can be intimidating. There may be people who've worked there for years - I'll call them the incumbents, who can make your work-day seem like heaven on earth or like a living hell.

Miss Pearl was the heaven on earth type and was nearing a well-earned retirement. She seemed so dignified and was older than I was so it just seemed right to call her Miss Pearl out of respect. She didn't seem to mind.

I was the new guy who had already met at least one living hell type and was in dire need of a friendly face.

Miss Pearl walked into my office, smiled and introduced herself. She offered to help me get acclimated to my new surroundings in any way she could and I could tell that she meant it.

She continued to exhibit class and grace for two more years before she retired. She always smiled, was always kind, did her job well and never, never repeated work place gossip.

That was 20 years ago. She died on Christmas Eve, surrounded by friends and family. She was a wonderful lady, and I'll never forget her kindness. God bless you Miss Pearl, and rest in peace.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

What's A Progressive?

We Conservatives have no problem acknowledging our conservatisim but the same is not always true for Liberals. While Dan Rather and Peter Jennings continue to deny their obvious left wing bias, talk radio personalities like Sean Hannity proudly proclaim that they are dyed in the wool Ronald Reagan Conservatives. Liberals have taken to calling themselves "Progressives", which I suppose is meant to imply that the rest of us are against progress. It's also purposely misleading.

How are we to know who the real political players are if they keep changing labels faster than a petty thief at a Wal-Mart sale? It's actually easy if you listen to them verbalize how they "feel" about anything from the economy to abortion.

For instance, they're Liberal if they don't believe there's been a left wing bias in news reporting since FDR was president or that the LA Times, New York Times and Washington Post aren't more than a little to the left most of the rest of us. Some other signs that he/she is a Liberal, no matter what they call themselves are:

He thinks Saddam Hussein and his two psychotic sons, Qusay and Alec Baldwin or whatever that others one's name was, were A-OK dudes while President Bush is the devil incarnate;

He points to Rush and Sean as proof positive of right wing bias in journalism but claims that Dan Rather is an absolute straight shooter with no bias whatsoever;

He thinks Rather's use of forged documents regarding President Bush's National Guard service was just an honest mistake, the significance of which was exaggerated by pajama clad amateurs out to persecute an honest journalist;

He believes it's harmful to the planet's ecology to drive an SUV but OK to fly around the country in his own private jet;

He believes it's OK for Clinton to rent out the Lincoln bedroom but wants Tom Delay prosecuted for ethics violations dealing with campaign contributions;

He sees nothing wrong with Clinton's sexual liaisons in the Oval Office or his many other instances of ethical if not criminal behavior but thinks it's OK to call 911 to report the underage Bush girls ordering a margarita at a Mexican restaurant;

He believes that the framers of the Constitution intended to create abortion rights;

He supports freedom of choice except for inter-city children in underperforming schools;

He thinks that the First Amendment contains the words "separation of church and state";

He believes that child porn is protected by the right of free speech;

He believes that the rich are not paying their fair share in taxes even though the top 20 percent of taxpayers pay 80 percent of income taxes;

In the 1970's he believed that we were on the verge of a new ice age while today he is a fervent believer in global warming;

He thinks everything would be better if we just put more money money into it;

Whatever it was, he voted for it before he voted against it;

He really believes that Eisenhower, Ford, Bush 41 and Bush 43 are all stupid but that Johnny Depp and Barbra Streisand have genius IQ's;

He believes that Christians are underdeveloped zealots who sit around all day playing banjos while waiting for Jerry Falwell to tell them how to vote;

He thinks that all evangelical preachers are evil but Iranian mullahs are misunderstood freedom fighters;

He knows no one who voted for Bush;

He's all for Affirmative Action except when the minority in question is a conservative;

He hates prejudice but believes that Texas is inhabited by Neanderthals and totally misses the irony;

He instinctively concerns himself with the rights of the accused before considering the welfare of a victim of crime;

He insists that we can negotiate with terroists and that we should rely upon the UN to help us do it;

He panics at the thought of running out of French wine and worries himself sick over whether the French really, really like us;

He thinks Kofi Anan is a statesman instead of a crook;

He thinks that Republicans were to blame for the voting fiascos in South Florida even though the vast majority of the confused voters were Democrats who claimed problems with a ballot designed by other Democrats;

He thinks that religious symbols like nativity scenes should be banned in public places but those who object to "wardrobe malfunctions" during the Super Bowl should just change the channel;

He thinks that JFK's illegal drug use, philandering and election fraud were no big deal compared to Watergate;

He believes that Viet Nam was Nixon's war;

He thinks that Social Security will be OK if we just leave it alone;

He believes everything in every Michael Moore movie is the honest to gosh truth and doesn't understand why those idiot conservatives believe everything Rush and Sean say on the radio;

And last but not least, he believes that if we'll just down-size our military, the rest of the world will let out a collective Kumbaya and never study war no more.